these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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