Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
