3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
