I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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