when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
