I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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