Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
