you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
