Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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