I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
