My Higher Power is John Stamos
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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