he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
