woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
where are my eyebrows?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
