barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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