So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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