Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
