I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
