things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
