Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
