I love watching others lives come down to our level.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
