I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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