btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
