Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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