omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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