remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
