Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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