the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
