do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I skipped work to stalk him.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
