some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
