Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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