One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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