Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
