he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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