I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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