I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
