My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
