ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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