Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
