You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
