4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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