Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
