He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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