hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
