You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
