Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
