Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
