batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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