Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
