i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
