i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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