not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
