They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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